


Everything You Want

by Rocky_T, SeemaG



Series: Tightrope [15]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s01e10 Prime Factors, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26357269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocky_T/pseuds/Rocky_T, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeemaG/pseuds/SeemaG
Summary: The prospect of going home means different things to different segments of the crew.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seska (Star Trek), Harry Kim/Libby (Star Trek), Kathryn Janeway & Tuvok (Star Trek), Kathryn Janeway/Owen Paris, Kes/Neelix (Star Trek)
Series: Tightrope [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797067
Comments: 45
Kudos: 26





	1. Prologue

Harry Kim opened the case but made no move to remove the clarinet inside. He had saved up his replicator rations for the past two months to make the instrument, and he wanted to prepare himself mentally before playing it for the first time. Every instrument had its own qualities - its own character, so to speak. He’d been playing clarinet for years, beginning at age six, and had done a stint in the Julliard Youth Symphony before he was accepted to Starfleet Academy. His mother had even entertained thoughts of him becoming a professional musician, but he’d always known his destiny lay in the stars.

The new clarinet lay there, nestled in the red velvet lining the interior of the case, so full of promise. Yet at that moment, Harry resented the new instrument, wishing with all his heart that it was his old familiar companion. But In his excitement and haste to arrive at his first Starfleet posting on _Voyager_ , he’d forgotten to bring his clarinet with him.

His mother had actually asked Captain Janeway if she could send it to him while they were still at Deep Space Nine, but Janeway had regretfully told her there wasn’t time before the launch. The story embarrassed Harry to no end, but he still thought fondly of his mother for having remembered - and realizing he would regret not having it with him. 

_Enough procrastination_. He picked up the slender clarinet, running his thumb over the smooth ebony exterior, and began to play. He started simply with a scale exercise, then gradually picked up the pace until he was playing old favorites, culminating with Brahms Clarinet Sonata No. 2 in E flat,a piece he’d been practicing shortly before he’d traveled to Deep Space Nine. The music comforted him, reassured him that in a world so changed from what he’d once known, some things still endured. At the same time, the music was bittersweet, as it also reminded him of his girlfriend Libby. They’d met three years ago at a Ktarian music festival, when he had inadvertently sat in her seat. Libby was also a musician, though her preferred instrument was the cello. She was beautiful and accomplished, and after the music festival, it took Harry three weeks to work up the courage to ask her on a date.

Harry was suddenly conscious that he had stopped playing, and sighed. _Voyager_ had just made contact with a new species called the Sikarians. Unlike many others they’d encountered so far in the Delta Quadrant, the Sikarians seemed to be friendly and welcoming, and the captain had decided to grant shore leave for members of the crew.

As a member of the initial landing party, he’d met a woman named Eudana, who was using an instrument which Harry had mistaken as being musical in nature. However, when she said it measured weather patterns, he correctly deduced it vibrated due to nonlinear resonances in the atmosphere. One thing had led to another, and before he knew it, he’d arranged to see her tomorrow. 

“So, you’ve got a date!” Tom said, seemingly gleeful at the notion.

Harry glanced around the Mess Hall, hoping no one had overheard. “No, it’s not a date,” he protested.

“She said she wanted to be alone with you, right?” Tom asked, leaning forward.

“Yes,” Harry admitted. 

“She said she’s going to show you something amazing, right?”

Harry confirmed this as well. 

“Face it,” Tom said, with the air of one who knew. “You have a date.”

Thinking about Libby now, Harry had some mixed feelings, but he couldn’t deny that he was looking forward to seeing Eudana again.


	2. Chapter 2

"A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers, and from the bones of our people,” Chakotay and the captain intoned in unison as they knelt on the floor of the Ready Room. He added, “But perhaps there is one powerful being who will embrace this good ship and her captain, and give her the answer she seeks." His hand rested lightly on hers atop the _akoonah_ , the device his tribe used to facilitate vision quests. His medicine bundle lay nearby. As Janeway had none of her own, he had offered to share it with her. In his mind, he recounted the sacred objects it contained.

Janeway’s eyes were closed, her face serene in repose. Chakotay nodded in approval, though he knew she couldn’t see him. In a near whisper he said, “Let your mind take you to your sacred place, where you feel secure above all others. The first animal you see is your spirit guide. Be patient; it may take a while until he or she reveals themselves to you.”

As the minutes passed, Chakotay watched the captain, wondering how her spirit quest was going, what her takeaway from the whole experience would be. Based on her scientific background, he hadn’t taken her for the spiritual type. But one night last week, she’d come by his quarters to pick up a report and had found him engaged with his medicine bundle. Curious, she’d asked him some questions that he’d been only too happy to answer, mentioning how the vision quest helped keep him centered, something he valued even more out here in the Delta Quadrant, and how he found it beneficial to seek the advice of his spirit animal. Hesitantly, he’d offered to help her find her own guide and had been surprised when she’d taken him up on his offer.

Chakotay had long since finished his own internal dialogue. He was aware of the hardness of the floor beneath his knees, the light floral scent in the air from the captain’s perfume, the softness of her hand beneath his own. Unconsciously, his thumb rubbed gently against the smooth skin, then faltered as it bumped against the smooth metal band on her ring finger. As if that was a signal, Janeway’s eyes opened and she gazed dreamily off in the distance, and then seemed to really see him. He hastily pulled his hand away.

“That was incredible!” Janeway said, a smile lighting up her face.

“I take it you found your spirit guide?” he said with an answering smile at her enthusiasm.

“Oh, _yes_ ,” she said. “I need to mull things over a bit more, but I can definitely say this was a very positive experience.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that,” he said, sitting back on his heels. “I always derive a great deal of comfort from contacting my guide, and as I said earlier, I’m happy to help you find yours.”

She reached out and stroked the soft buckskin of his medicine bundle. “I really appreciate your sharing this with me. I’ll have to think about what I should include in one of my own.”

“The actual objects are unimportant,” he said. “The important thing is they should hold great significance for you.” Her expression changed slightly and he wondered what she was thinking of. Most likely of what personal mementos she had in her cabin that would be suitable, such as a holo or maybe a keepsake. He assumed it would be something to do with her husband, and wondered why that thought bothered him. He was glad when she spoke again.

“Have you done this before?” she asked.

“Helped to introduce someone to their spirit guide?” She nodded. “Only once before.” Seeing the question on her lips, he added, “It was B’Elanna. Unfortunately, her experience wasn’t quite so positive as yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he chuckled at the memory. “She’s the only person I know who tried to kill her guide.”

“I’m not going to ask,” Janeway said with a slight shake of her head as she rose gracefully to her feet.

He did the same, after placing the _akoonah_ back inside his medicine bundle.

The door signal sounded just then. “Come in,” Janeway called.

Harry Kim came bursting into the room before Janeway had even finished speaking. Chakotay thought fleetingly that he was glad Harry hadn’t caught them kneeling on the floor, their hands clasped. But from the young ensign’s outward demeanor, the chances were he might not even have noticed.

“Captain,” Harry said, panting, as if he’d run the entire length of the ship. “You’re not going to believe this!”

“What is it?” Janeway asked, concern evident in her expression. “Weren’t you down on the planet?”

Chakotay nodded. He’d made up the roster for shore leave himself and Harry was definitely supposed to be off duty now.

“This is too important to wait!” Harry said, and proceeded to tell them a fantastic tale of a device called a spatial trajector, with which he’d traveled thousands of light years away, to a planet called Alastria.

“Did Eudana mention how it worked?” Janeway asked.

Harry shook his head. “She just said it was some kind of space-folding technology.”

“And you’re sure you really traveled all that distance?” Chakotay said skeptically. “It wasn’t some type of holotechnology that only mimicked it?”

“It was real,” Harry said emphatically. “She said they could use it to travel a maximum of 40,000 light years at a time – Captain, we could get home so easily!”

Janeway nodded slowly. “A maximum of 40,000 light years – even if we had to break our trip into smaller segments…” She stopped suddenly and frowned. “I can bring this up with the Sikarian leader, Gathhorel Labin, tomorrow morning when we discuss the details of our trade agreement. But I wonder why he didn't mention this spatial trajector earlier when I told him about _Voyager_ ’s long journey home.”

“The important thing is that we know about it now! Captain, do you realize what this could mean--”

“I’m well aware of the ramifications, Ensign, I assure you,” Janeway said, meeting Chakotay’s eyes. She turned back to Harry. “As I said, I’ll speak to Gath. But until then, I want you to keep this news to yourself.”

“But why?” Harry said, clearly puzzled. “How long do you want to keep this quiet?”

“Just until we know for a fact the Sikarians will help us by letting us have this technology,” she cautioned.

“And that it actually works,” Chakotay couldn’t help adding.

Harry reluctantly agreed to keep it to himself for now, but his dramatic entrance on to the bridge hadn’t gone unnoticed, and who knew what hints he’d dropped on his way from the transporter room. Chakotay had the sinking feeling that for better or for worse, the cat was already out of the bag.


	3. Chapter 3

“Have you heard the news?”

Kes bit back a sigh. Neelix was greeting every group that entered the Mess Hall with the same question.

“News about what?” asked Ahni Jetal and Lyndsay Ballard in unison. Both young women worked in Engineering and had become close friends over the past few months.

Only too happy to share, Neelix opened his mouth to answer but Kes cut him off abruptly. “Neelix,” she said sharply. “Harry asked you not to say anything.”

“Ooh, is this a secret about Harry?” Ahni said eagerly and Lyndsay laughed.

“That boy could never keep anything to himself,” Lyndsay said. “I remember one time when we were in the Academy…”

Kes took advantage of the distraction of the story to pull Neelix a discreet distance away. “Harry told you about the Sikarian technology in confidence,” she admonished him. “I don’t think he’d be very happy if he knew you were telling everyone about it.”

“You didn’t exactly object when I let _you_ know,” Neelix pointed out, and Kes flushed. “At any rate, it’s too late now. So many people know already, it’s only a matter of time till everyone else on board does. Besides, this is such exciting news! I don’t understand why he wanted to keep this to himself.”

Kes sighed but she knew Neelix was right. “I just hope that the captain isn’t mad. Harry did say she’s the one who wanted to keep it quiet for now.”

But Neelix had already launched into the news. “The Sikarians have a device that can send us 40,000 light years in a single bound!”

Neelix immediately became the center of a group of crewmen, all of them listening avidly to what he had to say. Kes shook her head, vaguely uneasy, and made her way to another table where Joe Carey, Susan Nicoletti, and Samantha Wildman were seated.

“This is like a dream come true,” Susan said, sighing happily. “Oh, hi, Kes.”

“Join us,” Joe said, indicating an empty chair. “We were talking about the possibility of being home in just a few days.” He grinned happily. “I’ll see my wife and boys again.”

“And I’ll see my husband Greskrendtregk,” Sam said, her face shining with happiness. “There’s something I need to tell him, and I’m so glad I’ll be able to do it in person.”

Kes couldn’t help smiling in response. Due to her work with the Doctor in Sickbay, she was privy to a lot of confidential information and she knew exactly what Sam was referring to. She squeezed Sam’s hand.

“Tell him what?” Neelix said as he approached, Ahni and Lyndsay in tow.

Sam colored slightly. “Oh, nothing in particular. I mean, I just can’t wait to see him again!”

“I know how you feel,” Joe said, “I can’t wait to--”

“You know what we need?” interrupted Neelix. “A party to celebrate our good fortune!” He waved his arms excitedly. “I know just the thing--”

“Neelix,” said Kes sharply. “Can I speak with you a moment?”

“But I’m in the middle of planning our homecoming party,” Neelix said, bewildered. “Can’t it wait?”

“No, it can’t,” Kes insisted She placed her hand on Neelix’s arm and drew him into the kitchen area behind the counter.

“What’s on your mind, Sweeting?” Neelix asked, smiling. He leaned closer and stroked her cheek. “Or did you just want to sneak a kiss?”

Kes involuntarily took a step back. “No, that’s not it at all. I just wanted to stop you from interrupting the conversation.”

“Interrupting?” Neelix said in surprise. “I was only saying we need to throw a party and was going to start planning the details!”

“Joe was speaking about how he felt at the thought of going home, and you interrupted him,” Kes said. She raised her voice over Neelix’s objections. “Don’t you see, by trying to dominate the conversation, talking about what _you_ want, you’re being dismissive of how _he_ feels.”

“I didn’t mean for it to come out that way,” Neelix said, looking crushed. “I’m just so excited at this wonderful news!.”

“I know you’re trying to share in the excitement, but you really can’t,” Kes said patiently. “Don’t you see? The _Voyager_ crew are looking at the possibility of going _home_ , to _their_ home - and that means we’re moving farther away from _your_ home.” She paused. “I’m sorry to have to be so blunt.”

“No, no, you’re right,” Neelix said hurriedly. He tugged absent-mindedly at his whiskers. “I just didn’t think about it like that.” He swallowed and suddenly looked uneasy. “Or the thought of—I know they’ve been talking about going home ever since we met them, but I guess I didn’t expect it to happen quite so soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

Elida Jor carefully removed her uniform jacket and placed it in the closet. She still wasn’t used to wearing it, and she knew her family back on Salva II would be shocked to see her wearing a Starfleet uniform. It had been Starfleet security officers, after all, who had informed them that their colony now belonged to the Cardassians, and that they had 72 hours to leave.

“Or what?” Jor remembered her father saying and in response, the security officer had shrugged, turned on his heel and walked away. Jor’s family had decided to stay. The Cardassians were far away and why would they even care about this desolate planet with its 500 families and little in the way of natural resources? But within weeks of the Federation’s withdrawal, Cardassian warships were in orbit around the planet, and their soldiers laid waste to the acres of fields. The colonists scattered to other worlds, and it wasn’t long before Jor met up with a man named Chakotay at an outpost at the very edge of the DMZ.

She kicked off her shoes. Starfleet boots for women came with heels and a very narrow, pointed toe. By the end of the eight hour shift, Jor’s feet ached. Tabor had suggested that she replicate a new pair with a wider footprint and less stiff material, but she was reluctant to spend precious replicator rations on them.

She went into the bathroom, splashed water on her face, and was about to replicate some dinner when there was a chime at the door. She frowned. Tabor had drawn Beta shift and so it was unlikely he would come by. But their schedules had been complicated lately, so even grabbing a meal during shift change wasn’t possible. The door chimed again and Jor’s heart skipped a beat. Maybe Tabor had managed to break away for a few minutes.

“Come in.” At her command, the doors slid open, revealing Mariah Henley. Jor swallowed her disappointment.

“Hope I’m not bothering you,” Henley said. She was out of uniform and her hair fell in loose waves to her shoulders, contrary to Starfleet regulations. She came in and made herself comfortable on the sofa without asking. Jor stared at her.

“Actually, I just got off shift and I was about to replicate dinner.”

“I’d love some.”

Jor opened her mouth wide and then sighed in resignation. She supposed she could spare some rations for her comrade in arms, but she was damned if she was going to let Henley pick the meal; invariably, Henley opted for a main course of carbohydrates accompanied by a side of starch, with nary a protein or vegetable in sight.

“I’m going to have some _hasperaat,”_ Jor declared. Perhaps the choice of Bajoran fare over Henley’s preferred Terran dishes would cause the uninvited guest to opt for the mess hall and Neelix’s creation of the evening.

But Henley seemed unfazed. “That sounds delicious. Is it Tabor’s recipe?”

“Yeah.” The dish appeared in the replicator and Jor carefully carried it to the table. She put out a plate for Henley and then cut into the fluffy casserole. “You had the day off?”

“Yes. After fourteen straight days of gamma shift, I really needed the time off,” Henley said. 

“Fourteen days?” Jor didn’t bother to hide her surprise. “That’s a long time without a break. How did that happen? You really need to talk to Chakotay. He’s in charge of the schedules.”

“A couple of the Starfleet officers were under the weather and then Gerron asked me to switch with him.” Henley frowned. “I should have said no but…”

Jor looked at her friend sympathetically. Henley’s feelings for Gerron were no secret. “Well, he owes you one then,” Jor said firmly. “I hope you spent today relaxing after all the hours you put in.”

“I went hiking on the holodeck. The mountains on Cestus III have never looked so beautiful.” Henley paused, fork in midair. “But the air, it wasn’t what I remembered.”

“Still, it must have been a nice way to spend a couple of hours,” Jor said. She had yet to try the holodeck but she’d heard that Tom Paris occasionally hosted parties there. Only Gerron had ventured to that event, and he’d left within minutes of arriving, complaining that the Starfleet types were unfriendly and unwelcoming and that synthehol was no substitute for the real thing. “I spent most of the shift rerouting power relays. The situation is getting desperate. B’Elanna was saying we only have a few months of dilithium left so she’s actively exploring ways to make it last.”

“I heard Neelix talking about scanning for a trading post.”

“Well let’s hope he finds one soon.” Henley pushed her empty plate back. “That wasn’t the only thing I heard. There’s a possibility we could return to the Alpha Quadrant.”

Jor pressed her lips together thoughtfully. “I heard that rumor too.”

“What do you think?”

“It depends what happens when we get there, right?” Jor said. She put her fork down. The _hasperaat_ had suddenly lost its flavor. “I doubt Janeway will let us go. She’ll probably turn us over to the authorities.”

“That’s what Gerron says.” Henley looked wistful. “But it would be good to be home, wouldn’t it?” 

Jor thought about her destroyed colony. What and where was home now? “It really depends on what happens,” she repeated. “It’s unlikely we’ll rejoin the fight against the Cardassians.” In fact, it was very likely that she would be spending the next decade in a Federation prison. Though, she supposed, if she had to go to prison, she’d rather take her chances with the Federation than the Cardassians. She just hoped she and Tabor were in the same holding facility. “I won’t lie. I want to see my family again.”

“If Janeway will even let that happen.” Henley looked glum. “Gerron was saying we should stay here in the DQ. Take our chances on the next M-class planet.”

At this, Jor stiffened. Gerron was a rabble rouser, not one of the more influential people in Chakotay’s cell, but still, he could have some influence on people, and especially on Henley. If he was saying these things, someone was listening. “And be a target for the Kazon? Or the Vidiians when they run out of body parts?” Jor shivered. She’d faced down her share of hostiles back in the AQ but there was something very different about the DQ. Maybe it was the fact that every day brought a new and strange menace. At least she knew what to expect from the Cardassians. “No thanks.”

“So, you’re okay with returning to the AQ?”

“I’m _not_ okay with staying in the DQ,” Jor said. She sighed. “What I _want_ is to continue the fight against the Cardassians, but…”

“There might not be anything left to fight for,” Henley said, her expression turning desolate. “I guess there are no good answers for us, are there?” 

“What are the others saying?” 

Henley shook her head. “The same as we go. Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.” She paused. “I overheard Gerron telling Dalby that if the Sikarian technology works as advertised, he wants to return to the AQ on his own terms.”

Jor jerked back. “What does that mean?”

The tension was evident in Henley’s jaw. “That’s a very good question.”

Jor was sure that she didn’t really want to know the answer.


	5. Chapter 5

Janeway sat at her desk, reviewing the items on the agenda for her trade meeting with Gath, the Sikarian leader. The list was divided into three sections: “must have”, “should have”, and “nice to have.” Food and essential engine parts were obviously “must have”, and Lieutenant Torres had argued for moving dilithium to that category as well. Janeway was inclined to agree; they hadn’t completely depleted their stores yet, and could possibly keep going an additional six months by reconfiguring the cracked crystals they had, though the energy efficiency rate would be below 50%. Janeway smiled wryly. In the Alpha Quadrant, it was unheard of to keep the warp engines running at those levels, even though in theory it _could_ be done. She’d actually been on a few long-range missions in the Beta Quadrant in which supplies had begun running short and had necessitated being a bit “creative” with allocating their resources. But not to such an extent as they were already facing here in the Delta Quadrant, four months into what could be a journey of 70 years. Unless…

Ensign Kim’s stunning information about the Sikarian space-folding technology could change everything.

Janeway had meant it when she’d told him not to publicly reveal the news, and she’d agreed with Chakotay that they needed to verify that the tech actually worked. Still, 40,000 light years at a single step…Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help thinking about it.

Aside from delivering her ship and crew safely home, as she’d rather rashly promised after the destruction of the Caretaker’s array, she would be reunited with Owen again. He’d most likely feared her dead following _Voyager_ ’s disappearance, and she could so easily imagine the look on his face when she reassured him that was not the case, that she was here, alive, and so glad to see him again. If she dared, she could easily envision him and Tom reconciling as well – though she reflected a lot of work would have to be done on both sides before _that_ could happen. But surely Owen would see Tom’s heroism, his exemplary service on board _Voyager_ these past few months, as indications that he was becoming the man he should have been, a man that Owen would be proud to embrace as his son once more.

She was abruptly brought out her daydream by the door signal. “Enter,” she said. As she expected, it was Tuvok. “I’m going over our list of supplies,” she said to him.

“For your meeting with the Sikarian leader,” Tuvok acknowledged. He proffered another PADD in her direction. “Here is the latest security report.”

Janeway made no move to take the PADD. “Of course, if the Sikarian tech works as advertised, all of this could be moot.”

Tuvok retained his usual emotionless expression, but when he spoke his voice carried a distinct hint of displeasure. “Despite your orders, Captain, news about the space-folding technology has spread all over the ship.”

Janeway sighed. “Honestly, I’m not surprised. This may be too big a story to keep suppressed. And I really can’t blame Harry.” She smiled. “It _is_ very exciting news.”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “Unfortunately, it also brings up some rather ‘uncomfortable’ topics of discussion.”

“I imagine the crew are talking about being back home and what they’ll do when they get there,” Janeway said, refusing to take up the conversational gambit. “That’s been going through my own mind this morning, to the detriment of getting any real work done.”

“My concern is not about the crew suddenly neglecting their duties,” Tuvok said.

“Then what are you worried about?” Janeway said a bit sharply. “There’s no harm in letting them dream a little.” She glanced at his expression. “Unless you’re concerned that the tech doesn’t really work.”

“That _is_ a possibility,” Tuvok said. “Although, admittedly a small one. Despite his being a very junior officer, Mr. Kim has enough technical knowledge that he would not be easily duped by a sham demonstration.”

“So you believe him,” Janeway said, leaning back in her chair. She picked up her ever-present mug of coffee and took a sip, grimacing at the realization that the liquid inside had gone cold.

“I do,” Tuvok admitted. “There is also the possibility that, for whatever reason, the Sikarians will not choose to share the technology with us.”

Janeway nodded and swallowed what was left in her cup. Despite what might happen in the next few days, _Voyager_ ’s circumstances were such that she could not in good conscience throw out a perfectly good cup of coffee just because it wasn’t the right temperature. “Well, we won’t know until we ask them, of course. It could merely have been a simple oversight on their part as to why they didn’t mention it to us during our first meeting.” She paused. “So what are you worried about, Tuvok? I’ve known you long enough to realize that you’ve got something on your mind.”

“The Maquis,” he said succinctly and held out the PADD once more.

Janeway bit back a sigh and took it. “What about them? I know you’ve had your suspicions from the very beginning that not all of the Maquis have accepted their current situation, and you’ve kept an eye on those you view as potential troublemakers.” She didn’t need to start reading the security report to know that it was similar to the others Tuvok had prepared for her.

“Some of the Maquis are doing quite well,” he conceded. “Ayala, Bendera, and Torres to name a few.”

“And Chakotay,” Janeway added, a note of steel in her tone.

“And the Commander, of course,” Tuvok said smoothly. “However, that is not my main concern right now.” He gestured toward the PADD. “It would be best if you read my report, Captain.”

Janeway tightened her lips into a thin line but tapped the side of the PADD and began to scroll down. She stopped abruptly. “Surely you can’t be serious.”

“This is no jest,” Tuvok said. “Faced with the possibility that we _will_ be returning home in the near future, we must deal with the Maquis issue. _Voyager_ was sent to capture them after all, and that is what Starfleet expects of you.”

“I’m aware of our original mission parameters,” Janeway said quietly.

“Then you agree that there will be logistical issues now that the Maquis are serving on board the ship, many of them in sensitive areas such as Engineering and Security,” Tuvok said. “We need to plan a way to incarcerate them, or at least confine them to quarters once we are back in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Janeway got up from behind her desk and began to pace. “I’m not saying you’re not right,” she began slowly, “however, I must admit to feeling torn. On the one hand, I _was_ sent to capture them, but on the other, don't they deserve any consideration for their service of the last few months? We couldn’t have made it as far as we did without their assistance. Despite your suspicions, many if not most of them have served in good faith. How can I just betray them like this? And mark my words, they _will_ see this as a betrayal.”

“I did not say this was an easy choice,” Tuvok returned. “But as Captain, these are things you should be thinking of.” He cleared his throat. “Whether we return home in the near future or not, you should be aware of the possibility of mutiny.”

“You can’t seriously think they’d go that far,” Janeway objected immediately. “I’ve kept my word about combining them into a single crew. There’s been no preferential treatment for Starfleet over Maquis.”

“You should not so easily discount the opinions of the malcontents,” Tuvok said. “Despite your efforts, there is still a lot of grumbling on the part of many of the Maquis. They may lack patience to wait and see what develops, and this possibility of a quick return home may be the spark that sets them off. There is no denying that the would-be ringleaders all have violent pasts which led them to join the Maquis to begin with.” His eyes met hers. “It would be illogical to expect their behavior to change so drastically. I believe the expression is, a _lematya_ does not change its spots.”

Janeway forced a smile. “Is that the Vulcan equivalent of a leopard?”

“I am putting it into terms that you would best understand.” Tuvok paused. “I must point out that you rely too strongly on your feelings for Commander Chakotay when it comes to making decisions about the Maquis.”

Janeway stopped pacing and gave him a level look. “And just what do you mean by that?” she asked, her voice dropping lower than usual.

“That you were heartened when Chakotay immediately agreed to ally with you at the beginning of our journey, and the two of you have developed a friendship on top of your command relationship,” Tuvok said immediately. “I meant nothing untoward, just that your trust in him may not be entirely warranted.”

“For a partnership to work, I can’t _not_ trust him,” Janeway objected.

“I mean that you should not let your guard down completely where the Commander is concerned.” Tuvok picked up the PADD once more. “For example, are you aware that Chakotay is still involved with Seska, his paramour from the Maquis?”

“I don’t believe that’s true,” Janeway said right away. “He would have told me if he was. As you say, they were involved in the Maquis, but he ended the relationship once they were on board _Voyager_.” She pushed back the thought that Chakotay hadn’t exactly said this to her in so many words, but he certainly didn’t seem to be overly attached to the Bajoran woman – he had assigned them both to separate quarters, and he didn’t seem to spend his leisure time together with her. They _had_ been comrades in arms, so he hadn’t entirely dropped her, but Janeway could tell from hints that Chakotay had let fall that they were no longer involved. If Chakotay seemed to feel strongly about _anyone_ among the former Maquis, it was definitely B’Elanna Torres, whom he seemed to view as a beloved younger sister. “Regardless, I think I’ve established enough trust with Chakotay that if something _were_ going on, in terms of a planned mutiny, he would let me know. Or at least try to put a stop to it on his own.”

Tuvok exhaled what in a Human would have been a resigned sigh. “Captain, with all due respect, you have always had a tendency toward what I believe is termed ‘wishful thinking’, that if you will something, you can make it so.”

Janeway went to the viewport and stared at the planet rotating serenely below. Her mind filled with several jumbled images – of B’Elanna Torres in the briefing room, expounding on her theory of warp particles and of herself seamlessly picking up the younger woman’s train of thought and the two of them carrying it to its logical conclusion. Despite their bumpy beginning, with Torres’ anger when Janeway had ordered the destruction of the Array, the captain couldn’t deny that she now viewed the half-Klingon woman as a kindred spirit. She thought of Chakotay, his steadfast support these past four months, and how he’d just showed her how to contact her animal guide. Skeptic though she was, she couldn’t deny that she had felt _something_ during the experience, a sense of some greater power, and she was intrigued enough to want to repeat the experience. All told, she wasn’t willing to risk her relationship with either of them.

As far as the Maquis were concerned, it now seemed that she was faced with a terrible choice, betraying them by turning them in to Starfleet where they certainly faced long prison sentences, or betraying her Starfleet ideals by allowing them to escape. “There’s got to be another way,” she said aloud. “I _will_ have to turn them in, but perhaps I could speak on their behalf and get their sentences reduced.” 

She turned away from the viewport, and faced him once more. “All of this is premature anyway, as the Sikarian leader must first agree.”

Tuvok did not respond, but his silence spoke volumes.


	6. Chapter 6

The holodeck doors slid open and Tom Paris stepped into the dimly lit bar. With its smoky atmosphere and mismatched furniture, for years it was the only place he considered home. Sandrine was behind the counter, pouring his favorite cabernet. He walked up to her and leaned down so she could kiss him lightly on both cheeks.

“ _Es-tu seul?_ Are the others coming too?” Sandrine asked in her silky voice, as she wrapped her arm around his waist. She smelled of wine and roses. Tom shook his head.

“No, just me tonight,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. He took the offered wine. “I guess I needed some time to myself.”

Sandrine looked concerned. “Everything ok, _ma cherie_?”

Tom let out his breath. “Yes and no.” He leaned forward, his forearms resting on the bar. “There’s a chance we could get home. We could be there in days if we are able to integrate the technology into _Voyager’_ s systems.” His brow furrowed as he considered the intricacies of space folding technology. He’d never imagined such a thing but Harry had been so ebullient over the news. If it worked, they could cut off at least thirty years off their journey with a single hop, and be home within two hops. “It’s a lot to think about.”

“What’s there to think about? Home is home,” Sandrine said with an enthusiastic arm gesture. “ _N’est-ce pas ce que tu veux_? To go home.”

“Yes, of course.” Tom sipped the wine. It was a fine facsimile of the real thing, but without the notes of blackberry with a hint of vanilla and oak that he craved. Perhaps when he was back in the Alpha Quadrant, he would be able to seek that vintage of Ktarian merlot he so enjoyed. “Isn’t it what everyone wants?”

Sandrine smiled warmly at him. “Ah, but you have never been just ‘everyone.’” She returned to her place behind the counter. “You have been escaping for a long time.”

“That’s not fair,” Tom scoffed. “I didn’t ask to be in the Delta Quadrant.” He put his empty glass on the counter and Sandrine wordlessly obliged to fill it up. “I had a plan before. Now I don’t know what to think.”

“ _Dites-moi_ ,” Sandrine said kindly. “Tell me what is troubling you.”

Tom considered. “If I take Janeway at her word, and everything works out as planned, I will be free to go when we return to the AQ.” He bit his lip. “It’s been an abstract concept this whole time, and if this technology works, then I need to figure out what to do with freedom.” He smiled slightly. “I don’t think the Maquis will want me back.”

“ _Non, il n’est pas possible_ ,” Sandrine said with a laugh. “You have other options, Thomas.”

“Like what?”

“Perhaps you consider Starfleet again.”

Tom shook his head. “Perhaps you forgot, but I was dishonorably discharged and now I have a criminal record. Not exactly the type of officer Starfleet wants in its ranks.”

“Maybe your father could speak on your behalf.”

At this, Tom started to laugh. “I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in years. No, I don’t think that’s an option.” He stared glumly into his wine glass. “There are a few people who still talk to me back in the AQ. Maybe I can get a job as a freighter pilot.”

“Will that make you happy?”

“It’s no starship,” Tom said. He knew the Orion Syndicate was always looking for skilled pilots and their technology rivaled Starfleet. Yet, he had no desire to repeat those years of working for criminals and all of the complications that brought. He didn’t want to trade his freedom for a new kind of servitude. “That’s one thing I know for sure. I want to live life on the straight and narrow.” 

Sandrine arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “What about your friends on this ship? Perhaps they can help you.”

“Perhaps.” The truth was Tom had only formed a close friendship with Harry Kim. He had had a couple of dates with Megan Delaney — hook-ups, really, with no promise of anything more than great sex — and he was starting to develop good working relationships with members of the senior staff, but no one he really considered anything other than a colleague with a few exceptions. He certainly felt the tension easing when it came to Janeway after his scary misadventure on the Banari homeworld. He was starting to consider Kes more than an acquaintance and his relationship with B’Elanna had certainly thawed out. “It’s complicated.”

Sandrine sighed. “ _C’est le meme chose,_ as it always is with you, Thomas.”

But Tom ignored the admonishment. “For the second time in my life, all of the galaxy is available to me. I can do whatever I want, however I want, with no expectations. I don’t want to waste it but it’s also scary.” The word slipped out before Tom realized he was voicing his greatest concern. But this Sandrine was holographic and he knew he could always reset this conversation so it never happened. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to know his veneer of bravado was exactly that. “I guess I don’t have to decide now.” Better to wait and see, he thought, and _then_ decide.

“ _Non_ ,” Sandrine said agreeably, topping off his glass. “Have you enjoyed Voyager?”

“It’s not prison.”

Sandrine twisted her pretty face into a scowl. “It is not what I asked,” she told him. “But perhaps it will help you know what is the best path for you.”

“ _Voyager_ has been…” he searched for the right word. “It’s given me a second chance. I’ve made a good friend.” He swallowed hard. “Hopefully Harry still wants to associate with me when we are back in the AQ. He’s an up and coming ensign with a great record and I’m a disaster.” He frowned. “I know everyone wants to get back and sometimes I do too, but…”

Sandrine gave him a knowing look. “You want to stay.”

“Yeah.” Tom took a gulp of the wine. “But the crew is counting on me to pilot this ship home if the technology works. They can’t know.” He squared his gaze with Sandrine. “Whatever happens, happens.”

“ _Quand on a pas ce que l’on aime, il faut aimer ce que l’on a,”_ Sandrine said.

Tom nodded. “Exactly.” He put his empty glass down. “Thanks for the drink. And the talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quand on a pas ce que l’on aime, il faut aimer ce que l’on a = when you don’t have what you love, it’s necessary to love what you have


	7. Chapter 7

Seska had a hard time keeping her mind on her work. The Mess Hall had been abuzz with the news: they could be back in the AQ in a matter of days if only the captain could negotiate favorable terms for the Sikarian technology. Now, lying on her back in the Jefferies tube, the metal grate biting into her back, she contemplated her next course of action.

Returning to the AQ would be fortuitous. Every moment she spent on _Voyager_ meant another moment closer to her secret being discovered. So far, she had managed to avoid the required physical, but it was only a matter of time. And if her true identity was discovered, then what? She thought that Janeway was perhaps soft enough to let her continue serving as part of the crew, but Chakotay would be another story. Would he be able to look beyond her Cardassian identity and still share her bed? She had seen Chakotay easily overpower Cardassian soldiers, had seen him pummel them with his fists; some never rose again after Chakotay had been done with them.

Her hyperspanner slipped out of her hand and clattered to the grate, and she swore under her breath. With some difficulty, she maneuvered herself back into position, her fingers grasping at the tool. From this vantage point, she could clearly see the repair that had to be made and if she could just keep her mind on the task, not lose the tool again, she could be done quickly with this menial and mind numbing task. If only the Obsidian Order could see her now. She raised her arms again and began working again. 

Perhaps, she mused, she could convince the Cardassians to recruit Chakotay. He would be an asset to them. Surely her powers of persuasion could extend to saving Chakotay from rotting in a Federation prison. It was a lot to ask but perhaps… her vision blurred slightly as she got caught in the moment. She imagined telling Chakotay the truth, telling him to trust in her. It would be difficult, but she had faith. After all, she and Chakotay shared so much. Surely he would understand. Surely he would forgive her. Seska swallowed hard. After all they had been through together, after all they had fought side by side… 

The wires she was staring at once again blurred in front of her eyes and it took Seska more time than she wanted to admit to pull herself together. 

Perhaps returning to the AQ was the best option. She knew the Obsidian Order would come for her. It wouldn’t take much to rig a signal and then she could steal a shuttle and rendezvous with her handlers. She would have so much intelligence to share with them. She thought about handing over the specifications for _Voyager,_ Starfleet’s newest and most advanced ship. She surely would receive a commendation for acquiring the details of the bioneural gel packs. With the knowledge she had acquired, she would be more than just a field operative tasked with infiltrating a ragtag group of terrorists. No, she would be more than that, and if there was one thing Seska wanted, it was to be someone _more._

She slammed the panel shut and then squirmed back to a seated position. She pulled her knees to her chest as she peered down the length of the tube. Vorik was still at his station, about twenty meters away, and Susan Nicoletti was another twenty or thirty meters on the other side of Vorik. 

“I’m done over here,” Seska said, injecting a note of excitement into her voice. The Starfleet Officers always seemed to brim with positivity. It was annoying but Seska was determined to follow their lead. After all, she only had a few more days with them. She could pull off acting like a model Starfleet officer for that long, she was sure. “I’m heading out.” She didn’t wait for a response but instead started to crawl towards the hatch. Once out of the tube and back in Engineering, she excused herself for a break. Joe Carey cast a curious look in her direction and called after her, but Seska kept going.

In her quarters, she splashed water on her face, and stared at the Bajoran features that had been hers now for more than a decade. The day was coming when she could once again be herself, but she had to admit to some trepidation. She had been a Bajoran resistance fighter, first against her own people, and then as a member of the Maquis. Could she really forget all that had happened in those years when she finally returned to Cardassia? Her gaze fell on a few personal items belonging to Chakotay that he’d left behind on his most recent visit. Her breath caught in her throat and she placed her hand against her chest. Her heartbeat was strong, furious, but just the slightest moment of hesitation bled out. That the question even occurred to her was dismaying: did she even _want_ to forget? 


	8. Chapter 8

B’Elanna shrugged off her jacket, letting it fall on the floor in her quarters. Normally, she would pick it up immediately and hang it up, but today, she just stared at it. She’d finally gotten used to wearing this uniform, and now it was very possible she would have to take it off -- albeit with less protest than when she put it on -- within days. She was intrigued by the concept of the Skiarians’ technology but at the same time, she knew integrating it within _Voyager’s_ systems could create problems both technical and personal. 

She had presented her thoughts about the trajector to Chakotay just an hour before in his quarters and it hadn’t been long before the conversation had changed to the what ifs.

“I never thought I would serve as a Starfleet officer again,” Chakotay had said, fingering the rank bar on his collar. His smile was tentative. “It feels like coming home.”

B’Elanna arched her eyebrow in response. “I don’t know about that.”

Chakotay had leaned forward, his forearms resting on the table, and his expression characteristically contemplative. “What about you? Would you give Starfleet another try?”

B’Elanna had stared. Was he serious? And had he forgotten she was an Academy dropout? At best, she would be an enlisted crew member, assigned to the most mundane of engineering tasks. After a moment, she regained her composure and shook her head. “I assume the minute we get back to the AQ, the Feds are going to toss our Maquis asses into prison, and not one of those sweet country club types that Tom Paris was sent to.” 

“What if you’re wrong?”

“You’re dreaming,” B’Elanna shot back. Her gaze fell on a couple of empty wine bottles sitting at the edge of the recycler. “No, if I get my freedom back, I’m going right back to the Maquis.” She put her palms flat on the table, leaned forward, met his gaze squarely with hers. “You’ve gotten soft, Chakotay, but nothing has changed about our fight back in the AQ. We owe it to our friends not to abandon them.”

Chakotay sighed. “You’re not wrong…”

B’Elanna felt a spark of anger rising up. “But?”

“A lot could have happened in the last four months.” He gestured around his quarters. “Maybe there’s a different path to peace, something we haven’t thought about before.”

“Oh for Kahless’ sake,” B’Elanna said. She pushed her PADD towards him. “Take a look at my recommendations for integrating the technology into _Voyager_ ’s systems. I’ve run these scenarios many times and I think it will work. We will have to make some key modifications to the warp drive and I suspect they will be permanent.”

“I’ll show these to the captain.”

“Thanks.” B’Elanna headed towards the door, but then paused to turn to look back at the first officer. “Chakotay, it’s just a uniform you know.”

Now, in her quarters, B’Elanna stepped into the shower. As the day’s grime washed off her body, she contemplated the conversation with Chakotay. Would he really turn his back on their fellow Maquis? And was he really so naive that he thought Starfleet would reinstate him? No, if they got back to the AQ, B’Elanna’s first line of action would be to steal a shuttle and make her escape. With some appropriate changes to _Voyager_ ’s systems, she could camouflage the shuttle launch and time it such that her disappearance wouldn’t be noticed for at least a few hours. She turned off the shower. She was sure most of the other Maquis would support her in returning to the frontlines. The only question now was Seska. 

B’Elanna wrapped herself in a robe as she walked back out into her living room. She was pretty sure that Chakotay had not drunk two bottles of wine on his own, and Seska likely had been his partner in that consumption. B’Elanna didn’t care one way or the other whether Seska still warmed Chakotay’s bed, but she did want to know where Seska’s loyalties lay. 

She was still thinking when there was a chime at the door. B’Elanna frowned before responding.

“One minute,” she said. She quickly threw on a tank-top and loose fitting pants and then went to open the doors. Chakotay stood there, the PADD she brought him earlier in his hand. Her eyes darted to the PADD and then back to his face.

“Well?” she asked.

“The captain has approved your modifications,’ Chakotay said, handing the PADD over. “Now it’s just a matter of the Sikarians agreeing to give us the trajector technology.”

“Do you think they will say yes?” B’Elanna’s hand trembled slightly as she took the PADD. She pressed it to her chest in an effort to hide the momentary display of emotion.

Chakotay shrugged. “Everyone has a price.”

“And yours seems to be a Starfleet uniform.”

Chakotay’s expression didn’t change. “Let’s see what happens. No need to make decisions now.”

B’Elanna inhaled sharply. “I think you’re wrong.”

“Then we’ll have to disagree.” His smile was thin-lipped. “Good night, B’Elanna.”

She watched him head down the hall, his shoulders straight. With a heavy sigh, she let the doors close. She paced the length of her quarters, her fingers curling and uncurling. She had never been one for inaction and the waiting was anxiety-inducing. She hated so very much that she was leaving her fate and that of the Maquis - both on _Voyager_ and in the AQ — in the hands of a captain she didn’t quite trust to have her best interests at heart.


	9. Chapter 9

Seska cornered B’Elanna on the upper level of Engineering, leaning forward across the workstation that separated them.

“So you’re just going to let it go?” Seska hissed. Her eyes sparked with a combination of annoyance, frustration and fight. “You’re going to take no for an answer?”

B’Elanna glanced around nervously. Vorik was at the far end of the upper level and she saw Michael Jonas take the lift down to the first floor. She lowered the voice. “‘Look, the Sikarians said they aren’t going to give us the technology. That’s the end of that as far as I’m concerned.”

Seska gave a scornful little toss of her head. “Seems like you’re walking the Starfleet line. Just like Chakotay.”

B’Elanna bristled at the comment. “Chakotay is upholding Starfleet rules and regulations, as he promised to. As I did. An order is an order.”

“You’re honestly going to let a chance to obtain a technology that folds space and will get us back to the Alpha Quadrant in a matter of days go just like that?” Seska sounded incredulous. “Think about it, B’Elanna, we could be home by early next week, rejoin our friends on the frontlines.”

This caught B’Elanna’s attention. “I suppose I could ask Chakotay if he could ask Janeway re-open talks--”

“‘Talks’? That’s very Starfleet of you,” Seska said. She scoffed. “The Captain is so beholden to her precious Starfleet regulations she can't see the big picture. We can't trust that she's going to make the best decision for all of us.”

B’Elanna considered this point. “What do you propose?”

“We take it.”

B’Elanna stared in disbelief. “`We take it’?”

“Yes. You heard the rumor about a faction outside the Sikarian government who offered to trade us the technology, unofficially of course. And then, we integrate the technology into _Voyager’s_ systems. By the time the captain figures out what happened, it will be too late. We’ll be 40,000 light years closer to the Alpha Quadrant.” Triumph shone from Seska’s eyes. “B’Elanna, think about it.”

“I’m thinking…”

“My brother's birthday is in four days. Last year I promised I'd meet him in Nivoch, celebrate with him. He'll think I broke my promise, that I'm dead.” A note of urgency colored Seska’s tone. She glanced around at the empty upper level. “Look, I’m not the only one who wants to go home. Everyone’s talking about this being our best chance. We get the trajector technology, integrate it into _Voyager’_ s systems and we’ll have fulfilled our mission. Captain Janeway is constantly talking about how we have one mission and only one mission -- to get home. The Sikarian technology is _the_ way to accomplish that goal.”

“Seska, I’m a senior officer on this ship. I have responsibilities.”

“What about your responsibilities to the Maquis we left behind?” Seska’s voice rose just as Joe Carey -- the man B’Elanna had outcompeted for the chief engineer role -- stepped off the turbolift. “B'Elanna, right now our people are still fighting Cardassians, dying for our cause. Settlers in the demilitarised zone are still under attack. We made a promise, B'Elanna, that we'd all stick together until the Zone was safe, and I intend to keep that promise.” It was a compelling argument and B’Elanna knew that there was nothing more she wanted than to be by her friends’ sides to continue the fight against Federation and Cardassian tyranny. But before she could respond, Seska surprised her by calling Joe Carey over. “Did you hear the news, Joe? The Sikarians aren’t going to give us the technology.”

“I hear the rumors,” the lieutenant said grimly. He held up his PADD. “I've been working on the theory that the trajector operates within a neutrino envelope. I’m pretty sure it can work.” He handed it over to B’Elanna. “I’d like a second opinion.”

“Even if it doesn’t really matter?” Seska asked with a sneer.

“It seems like a shame to let such a golden opportunity pass us by,” Carey said, his gaze intent on B’Elanna.

But B’Elanna studied Carey’s work. On a first scan, and then second, she didn’t see anything in his calculations that indicated he would be wrong in his assumptions. If this could work, then the only difficulty would be obtaining the technology. But the glint in Seska’s eyes made it clear that there was already a plan brewing. Quickly, she outlined the details, and B’Elanna glanced back and forth between her Maquis friend on the right and the Starfleet officer on the left. To her surprise, they were in perfect agreement. It occurred to her that Carey’s appearance here was no surprise, that Seska must have spoken to him ahead of time.

As if answering B’Elanna’s unspoken question, Carey said quietly, “I have a wife, and two little boys. I don't want them to grow up without a father. I'd do anything to prevent that.”

“Can we count on you?” Seska asked eagerly.

Slowly B’Elanna nodded. “Yes.”

“You may also count me in,” said a voice from behind Seska. B’Elanna’s eyes widened as she saw Tuvok approaching. Who knew the Vulcan could be so light on his feet? And just how long had he been listening?

“Lieutenant,” B’Elanna said nervously. 

“The price of the Sikarians’ technology is _Voyager’s_ library,” Tuvok said. “If you are able to prepare the matrix to integrate the technology, I shall make the trade.”

The silence was very loud as they looked at each other and then suddenly, all eyes were on B’Elanna. 

“You?” B’Elanna finally got the word out. “You will make the trade? What about the captain?”

Tuvok’s expression was impassive. “Do not worry about the captain. You are correct, Ensign,” he said, addressing Seska, “Janeway is very much aware of the regulations governing such an interaction. However, as chief of security, it is my duty to ensure the safety of this crew. Logic dictates that returning to the Alpha Quadrant is the best way to do that.”

“All right,” B’Elanna said, bracing her hand on the workstation in front of her for additional support. With Seska, Carey and Tuvok all eyeing her, she nodded. “Let’s download the data.” She saw a curious smile spread across Seska’s face.

“You won’t regret this,” Seska said.

But B’Elanna knew that she already did. 


	10. Chapter 10

Janeway had borne with hearing B’Elanna Torres take full responsibility for the rogue attempt to use the Sikarian technology, with the former Maquis apologizing for the way she’d gone about it, if not for the act itself. The captain had listened stoically when Chakotay said that despite the fact they’d disobeyed orders, at least the conspirators’ hearts were in the right place. And now she faced her oldest friend, her rock, the officer she depended on the most, the one for whom she’d arguably set in motion the events that led to _Voyager_ ’s ending up in the Delta Quadrant.

“Why did you go along with them, Tuvok?” she asked, trying to conceal the sense of betrayal she felt.

“The Maquis were going to obtain the technology regardless, despite your orders,” Tuvok said, not quite meeting her gaze. “I joined to try to take control of the attempt. And if it had worked, _Voyager_ would have gotten home, and I would have been in position to keep the Maquis from either taking over the ship or fleeing once we were back in the Alpha Quadrant.”

“It wasn’t only the Maquis who conspired to obtain the technology,” Janeway said quietly.

“No, there were Starfleet personnel involved as well,” he agreed. “Though Torres and Seska were clearly the ‘ringleaders’.”

Janeway was silent for a moment. “I’m surprised they trusted you enough to let you be a part of the attempt,” she said dryly. “Especially as you already ‘betrayed’ them once by being an undercover agent in Chakotay’s cell.”

A Human might have been discomfited by this reminder, but Tuvok merely replied, “The reason I gave for wanting to participate was genuine enough - that I knew the captain really wanted this technology, but could not bring herself to go against Starfleet regulations to do so.” Tuvok raised his eyes and looked her full in the face. “So I would do it for her.”

Janeway winced; this cut deeper than anything else. “Is this what you really think of me, Tuvok?” she said, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of her voice. “That I blind myself to the truth because it’s contrary to what I want to believe?” She thought back to their earlier conversation, before she’d met with the Sikarian magistrate, and the warnings Tuvok had voiced then about the Maquis. “Or that my adherence to Starfleet principles is a liability when it comes to the best interests of my ship and crew?”

Tuvok shifted position slightly. “I would not express it quite that way.”

“But it’s what you believe is true, isn’t it?” Janeway pressed.

“There is a grain of truth to both positions,” Tuvok admitted. “However, we are no longer in the familiar confines of Federation space, but in an unexplored quadrant of the galaxy where the old rules may no longer apply.”

Janeway closed her eyes, suddenly weary. “So what is the answer?”

“The answer is the same as it always was,” he said immediately. “To follow your instincts. I have every confidence that they are sound and will not lead you astray.”

It didn’t take away the sting of his betrayal, but it was something.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry sat in his cabin, his clarinet in hand. With all the excitement of the past few days, he hadn’t had an opportunity to play since he’d picked up the new instrument for the first time the other evening. He tried conjuring up the excitement he’d felt then, the joy and solace he always found in music, and yet the feelings wouldn’t come. 

The Sikarian magistrate had refused to share the space-folding technology. Tuvok and B’Elanna Torres had illicitly acquired it anyway - in a trade for the complete _Voyager_ database of literature - and B’Elanna had tried to make it work. The attempt had damn near destroyed the ship. Apparently, the technology only worked on the planet itself. 

As a result, their hopes of an easy return home - or at least cutting 40,000 light years off their journey - were dashed. Many of the crew were very bitter about yet another failed attempt. They’d had near misses previously, like the micro-wormhole leading to the past, but this was the first one that realistically could have worked.

To bury his disappointment, Harry began to play. He poured all his grief and sense of loss into his music and lost all track of time. He was jolted back into the present by the signal at his door. Still under the spell of the music, he went to answer.

“Yes?” he said, frowning, trying to place the man standing there. “Can I help you?”

“Harry, right?” the man said. “Mike Hogan.”

“Right,” Harry said in realization. “You’re a member of the engineering team. Sorry, I didn’t recognize you in civvies.”

Hogan grinned. “Considering I only started wearing the uniform on board _Voyager_ , it’s funny to hear you say that.” 

Harry flushed. “I didn’t mean any...what can I do for you?”

“My quarters are two doors down, and I heard you playing,” Hogan said, nodding at the clarinet that Harry hadn’t realized he still held.

“Oh, I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Harry said in chagrin. “I guess I didn’t realize how far the sound carries.”

“No, really, it’s all right,” Hogan said, holding up his hand to stop Harry’s apology. “You’re really good.” He paused, and added wistfully, “I used to play flute myself, though I haven’t played in years.”

Harry nodded, not sure what to say. “I actually just replicated this a few days ago, to replace the one I left behind. I guess I could have created a clarinet on the holodeck, but there’s something about the sound quality you get with a real instrument that you just can’t quite reproduce holographically.”

Hogan shuffled his feet. “I, uh, actually, have my flute here. I don’t know why I dragged it around with me in the Maquis, but I somehow couldn’t just let it go.”

“You should definitely start playing again,” Harry said.

“Yeah. You know, some of the other Maquis also play instruments - a few horns, one or two woodwinds, and I heard there’s some of the Starfl-- uh, a few other members of the crew play as well.”

“We could put together a band,” Harry said jokingly.

“Why not?” said Hogan, apparently taking it as a serious suggestion.

“Why not indeed,” said Harry then smiled at a sudden idea. “You know, I’ve got some holodeck time later in the week - we can meet then and bring our instruments.”

“Great!” said Hogan. “I’ll spread the word.”


End file.
